JOKE OF THE DAY
Created: Friday, 19 October 2012 23:51
Do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to
the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.
Created: Friday, 19 October 2012 00:38
An old man lived
alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very
hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The
old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to
plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging
up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I
know you would dig the plot for me.
A few days later, he received a letter from his son.
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and
dug up the entire area
without finding any bodies. They apologized to
the old man and left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Created: Tuesday, 16 October 2012 00:31
1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Always wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially
effective if your boss is the opposite gender.
3. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
6. When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's
windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em
7. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
8. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.
Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
10. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
11. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
Created: Wednesday, 17 October 2012 01:00
Farmer Joe was in
his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the
accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible
for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer
was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the
accident, 'I'm fine'?" said the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just
loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...." "I didn't ask for any
details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question."
"Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'!"
Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish
that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway
Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after
the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and
said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his
favorite mule Bessie."
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just
loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her
down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign
and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and
Bessie was thrown into the other.
I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear
ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just
by her groans.
after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He
could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he
looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and
looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot
her. How are you feeling?"
Created: Sunday, 14 October 2012 01:05
Three leaders of
the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser
orders a Bud. Miller's president orders a Millers and the president of
Coors orders a Coors. When it is Guinness turn to order he orders a
soda. Why didn't you order a Guinness everyone asks? Nah Guinness
replies. If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I.