JOKE OF THE DAY
Created: Tuesday, 27 November 2012 00:18
A pipe burst in a
doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his
tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the
doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."
The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."
Created: Tuesday, 20 November 2012 23:57
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.
He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.
Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys,
full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street,
beating merrily on every trashcan they encountered. The crashing
percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man
decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as
they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids
are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that.
In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me
a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around
every day and do your thing." The
kids were elated and continued to do a
bang-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them.
"From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer
and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily
retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so
I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be
"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going
to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts!
No way, mister. We quit!&
And the old man enjoyed peace.
Created: Monday, 12 November 2012 23:15
watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why
do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his
mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'
Created: Tuesday, 13 November 2012 23:59
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all
day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the
supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick
four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"
"Why do you want me to throw
them at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
"Okay, but I suggest
that you take the salmon."
"Because your wife came in earlier today and said
that if you came by, I should tell you to take salmon. She prefers that
for supper tonight."
Created: Monday, 12 November 2012 00:28
After 17 years of
marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The downtown
luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his
new love so he asked the wife to move out and then he would buy her
another place. The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3
days on her own there to pack up her things.
While he was gone the first day, she lovingly put her personal
belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases. On the second day she
had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day she sat
down for the last time at their candlelit dining table, soft music
playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle
of chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each room and
deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the
curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
The husband came back with his new girl and all was bliss for the first
few days. Then it started, slowly but surely. Clueless, the man could
not explain why the place smelled so bad. They tried everything;
cleaned and mopped and aired the place out. Vents were checked for dead
rodents, carpets were steam cleaned, air fresheners were hung
everywhere. Exterminators were brought in, the carpets were replaced,
and on it went.
Finally, they could take it no more and decided to move. The moving
company arrived and did a very professional packing job, taking
everything to their new home...including the curtain rods.