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JOKE OF THE DAY
"911, what is your emergency?"
Created: Thursday, 20 December 2012 00:05
Holidays around the precinct are always lively, especially in the 911 areas.

One particular night, a drunk calls in, and the following communication began:

"911, what is your emergency?"

"Osifer, I've been robbed!"

"Can you be more specific sir?"

"Osifer, someone stole my steering wheel, my gas pedal and my brake pedal."

"Could you please repeat that sir?" By now there's a crowd gathering around the dispatcher's chair.

"Yes, shur. Someone stole my gas pedal, my brake pedal and my steering wheel."

"Sir, what is your location?"

"I'm in my car."

"Sir, could you explain to me exactly where your car is located?"

"Yes, shur. I'm on Baker Street. Uh, 488 Baker!"

"Alright, sir, we'll send officers out to investigate it. Try to stay calm."

The phone call ends at this point but not five minutes later another call comes in.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"Osifer?"

"Yes, what is your emergency please?"

"Osifer, this is me again. I just found my steering wheel, my gas pedal and my brake pedal."

"Okay, sir. Are you still needing assistance?"

"No, shur, I was just in the back seat."
 
One liner
Created: Tuesday, 11 December 2012 00:19
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.


 
You can't be serious
Created: Friday, 07 December 2012 00:14
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists...
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out
with tears in his eyes." I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."


 
One liner
Created: Sunday, 09 December 2012 00:27
A wise man once said ...... go ask a woman

 
What are you doing?
Created: Tuesday, 04 December 2012 23:10
A little boy returned from the grocery store with his mom. While his mom put away the groceries, the little boy opened his box of animal crackers and spread them all over the kitchen table.

"What are you doing?" asked his mom.

"The box says you shouldn't eat them if the seal is broken," said the little boy. "I'm looking for the seal."